Solution, please.

A few things to say.

First of all, I managed to land myself a job at a local mexican place. It's a fast food job, meaning lots of standing and lots of moving. We all know what that means for my back.

So, knowing this, I took my hydrocodone in advance today. That got me through my shift, no problem. The problem happened tonight, when I decided not to take a second dose for when I went out to karaoke.

I was fine for the first couple hours. The pain came on slowly, almost so I began to ignore it. However, it has grown into a beast which I can hardly deal with. I barely kept my composure at the bar, and certainly lost it when I got to my car. The drive home was torturous, as well. Even sitting here is pretty bad.

I guess tonight is an example of exactly how bad this gets. Especially when I choose to bear the pain. I've said before how much I want a solution, and this just cements that so much more.

So now, once again, I wait. For relief, and maybe some pain-free sleep.

Familiar Path

It's painfully obvious that I haven't updated in awhile. I really don't have that much to say.

It's been about a month or so since I finished my traction therapy. I can now tell that it hasn't really done much to help me out. I'm not terribly surprised, since traction is focused on the lumbar vertebra, which, I have stressed many times, is not the location of the majority of my pain. It seems that, once again, the red herring of my herniated disc ruled out the thoracic pain around my curve. They even said that "Sometimes the nerves that the disc pinches can cause pain in the upper back, too."

Do any of these people really listen to what I say?

To their credit, they gave me exercises to work on my mid-back. However, they're difficult to do on what I have at home, and my back hurts a lot worse after I do them. I've tried to keep up on them, I really have, but when I'm already in pain before I start, it makes the prospect of continuing to aggravate it less than appealing.

So, where am I now? Right back where I started. Taking painkillers and living every day in fear of hurting myself. Truly, that expensive and risky surgery is possibly the only solution, and that won't be possible again for at least a few years.

In the last few weeks, I've had to take my painkillers almost every time I've gone out. It only continues to get worse. I guess all I can do now is continue to live as best I can.

And wait.

Big Traction and Intimidating Equipment

My day started just the way I suspected it would: in pain. I brought it on myself, since I decided to go knee boarding yesterday. I still believe it was completely worth it. Most of the pain has ended up in my arms, which doesn't surprise me in the least.

So, as I proceeded to get up and take some of the usual painkiller, I realized that there was a little pain in my back, but certainly not as bad as the aforementioned arm pain. And not as bad as a usual work day.

So, I had a pretty good idea where this place was that I was going when I left this morning, but apparently, not a good enough of an idea. In true Amy fashion, I managed to get myself lost. The problem was...I went way too far down Ridgeway. Figures. After a phone call to the office and some directions, I managed to find the place. And after I circled the building, I managed to find the entrance. And after I walked down the wrong hallway, I managed to find the right area. I was embarrassingly 15 minutes late for my appointment, but at least I won't get lost again.

They started off my therapy by laying on a heat pad, which felt amazing. The physical therapist came in and started asking me questions, then finally explained what traction really is. I'll get to that later.

They then took me to the traction machine. This is a rather intimidating-looking piece of equipment. They put two harnesses on me, one around my hips, and one that went the whole length of my back. I was then attached to the machine. This is where it all got kind of medieval. Traction works by stretching your back. Which means...the attach the harness to one end of the machine, which pulls with a certain weight. There are padded posts under your arms, which holds your upper body in place. You are then told to relax as the machine pulls for 60 seconds, then releases for about 40 seconds or so. Rinse and repeat.

All of this is well and good, except for the nerve in my lumbar region that got pinched somehow. The pain started about 10 minutes in, and by 15 minutes it was so excruciating that I couldn't take it anymore. They had to take me off of the machine. They think the cause was the lumbar cushion was inflated too much. In my next appointment tomorrow, they're going to lower the pull weight and deflate the cushion a little. I really hope it works.

All of this is for my lower back, which for some reason, they think they need to do this for. My herniated disk has always been a red herring of sorts: a lot of people focus on that and not the more painful scoliosis pain. I brought this up, and as I suspected, they were focusing more on this less painful area of my back.

My session finished with a 15 minute relaxation time on some cold packs and electrodes. It helped a little.

Tomorrow we are also going to start some exercises with a ball for my scoliosis pain, while continuing the traction for my lower spine. They are also going to continue the electrode therapy. We'll see if the traction goes any better tomorrow.

A New Course

I decided to try other options than surgery. Now just isn't a good time anymore.

The surgeon prescribed a type of treatment called "big traction". I'm not really sure what it is. I have my first appointment at 10 on Tuesday, so I suppose I'll find out then.

The next option is cortisone shots. I guess these last for about 3 months. The downside is possible hormone imbalance. Fun stuff. I guess we'll have to see if it gets to that point.

I guess I'm going to try everything there is to try to relieve this pain. If these options don't work, then I will reconsider surgery. Although at this point, I'm not really sure when that would happen.

Decision

Today is the day that I talk to my surgeon.

The surgery is scheduled for 2 and a half weeks away, but I haven't been able to do anything because I've been waiting for today. The office called me back last week and asked me to come in to talk to them. I guess they're worried that I don't understand what's going on.

I probably don't.

I don't know what to do anymore. There's reasons for and a against this thing, and I don't feel I can weigh the options until later today.

Stressful? Na, not at all...

Crunch Time

It's been awhile, huh?

I finished out the semester following a very simple routine. Take hydrocodone every day I worked, and suffer through the day.

So, now I'm done with class and that job, so I have a bit of time to rest before my (rescheduled) surgery on June 6th. Yeah, I forgot to mention that bit. But anyway, I've been trying to figure out arrangements, and things seem to be changing. For one, I will be unable to go to my mom's, since I won't be able to take stairs. The other option is my grandma's, which is probably better since she has experience with stuff like this. I can't ride in a car for more than 15 minutes. That's the problem. My grandma lives in Cedar Rapids...which, for those who don't know, is an hour away. Mom gave me a solution-ride in a van with a mattress in the back, but I have yet to pass that by the surgeon. Other than that...I have no other options. Certainly none in Cedar Falls. Time will only tell how that works out.

So, the reality is, I'm helpless for about a month. I can't even shower for 2 weeks...someone has to bathe me. I can't lift over 8 lbs or so, and I can't drive for a month. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared out of my wits. But I made this decision, and I'm going to stick with it.

So...what's left this month? I need to get my second opinion, I need to have a physical, and I need to arrange stuff. I'll be lucky if I don't lose my mind before June 6th.

Continuation

I'm on my second dose of hydrocodone today. Wonderful.

I still have 3 more hours to work. I think I'm going to go lay down on a couch until I start again. I just really want this day to be over.

Drawing the Line

I've realized lately that I've come to a decision I've had to make before. That decision is: How hard do I really push myself?

I've had a love/hate relationship with work pretty much throughout college. Mostly hate. But since I'm mostly supporting myself, I really need to work. All of the jobs I've had involve standing on my feet, which, of course, begins to affect my back. Most of this school year, I've been struggling to make it through over 4 hours of work without some sort of pain. This week, especially, has been tough.

So, how much should I really work? How much is too much? I'm pushing that limit right now, and I have a feeling that I'm about to find it again. I've been at my limits before.

So, as I go in for an 8 hour work day, I guess it's something I'll really have to keep in mind. I've picked up several extra shifts already, and I'm considering more. I know certain people will tell me not to push myself, but I hate being indebted to someone else. I want to be able to live somewhat normally, and I guess that's a big reason I'm having surgery.

Set in Stone

My surgery is May 23rd.

I will be in the hospital for about a week, then I will be going to stay with someone, probably my mom. After that, I should be coming back to CF. If anyone wants to visit, I will be eternally grateful to you.

Now that the ball is rolling, I feel a bit apprehensive. But you better believe that I'm glad about it. In what seems like a push for the decision, my back hurt today. A lot. Almost unbearably.

This went will change my life. Bring it on, I'm as ready as to can be.

Giving In

I gave in at about 12:30 today. I couldn't stand the pain any longer.

I just took some more hydrocodone about 10 minutes ago. I'm going out tonight, so we'll see what happens.

Willpower

I'm in pain again today.

It's mostly my upper-middle back, but my left leg hurts, too. I really hope I can get through this day without painkillers, but I honestly don't know. I don't have to work, so that may help, but it's getting really bad. Plus, I have to walk everywhere today.

It's now 9:30. Lets see how long my willpower lasts.

The Come Back

It's days like this that make me want to do something about this condition.

I was in a great deal of pain earlier. So much so that 2 hydrocodone didn't take care of it.I'm okay now, but it hurt very badly while I was at work.Not only my back, but all the way down my right leg and my left knee. All of my usual pains, but at once.

I'm high right now, and I don't like it. Better than debilitating pain, I suppose.

I'm very glad that something will be done about this.

Wheels in Motion

I began my day with a 20 minute drive to get x-rays done. They were long x-rays, to be able to view my entire spine. Not only that, we did flex x-rays, basically with me leaning to the side and back and such. It was uncomfortable, it was early, but at least we got it done.

I had to take hydrocodone at work today, since I've been going non-stop since 7 AM and I'm completely worn out because of it. I'm still feeling some residual effects and it's not that pleasant. I suppose it's better than being in pain.

My orthopedic surgeon appointment was at 2 today. We looked at my x-rays, and then he talked to me about my schedule for the rest of the year. He then told me to think very seriously about the surgery, and that he's going to begin looking at all of the x-rays to determine the best course of surgery. I will go back on the 26th of March. That is when we will begin to schedule things.

So, at this point, I need to find another surgeon to give me the second opinion that my dad is asking for. I somehow have to get this pulled off in the next two weeks, before spring break.

I don't have copies of the x-rays to post. They're really not anything too special.

Things are starting to finally move forward. I'm glad.

Ice

Yes, ice. Wonderful in a glass. Not wonderful on a sidewalk. Ice is terrible for anyone to fall on. However, I have a feeling that, if I were to fall, I would be in a great deal of pain.

I'm amazed I haven't fallen yet. I've gotten very close a few times. Of course, I've been hyper-careful, just because the consequences could be very, very bad.

The crap on the sidewalks continues to melt and freeze, so I think it'll be around for awhile. Lucky me.

Boo Mandarin Chicken Day

Cooking over 100 lbs of chicken in a wok is not so good for my back. Granted, it was only 12 lbs at a time...but still.

Looks like I'll be resting for a bit before I go out tonight.

Lucky Break

My day could have been crappy. It wasn't.

I went roller skating for my step-sister in law's (whew) birthday party. I was afraid that my back would hurt, or that my ankle would hurt. Neither happened. My back had a bit of soreness, but that's all. I just managed to wear myself out and get a couple blisters. It was a good time.

I need to go skating more.

Build-up

It's about 45 minutes before I'm supposed to start work. As usual, I'll be working about 6 hours today.

So, the fact that my back is already hurting is not a good thing.

It's not bad, yet. But the only thing that I've done so far today is sit on my butt at a computer. I've taken some ibuprofen, and I really hope that it helps. I guess I'll have an update about it later.

I hope my back doesn't hurt tomorrow. I'm going roller skating for the first time in many years, and I would really like to enjoy it. My left ankle will be a bit of a problem, too (I sprained it about 3 years ago). I guess, like everything else, we will see.

*edit*

Well, It's about 2, and the ibuprofen did it's job for the most part. The pain is coming back, but it's not too bad, so I won't take anything for awhile. We'll see after I go back to work.

Fed Up

I'm not dealing with the pain today.

Some days, I feel up to suffering through the pain for the sake of my pride. I don't want to take painkillers, and I want to be able to stand it on my own. It's a Buddhist thing, I guess.

Today, however, I just wanted to not hurt. I'm so sick of it. I guess, today, the side effects of the hydrocodone are outweighed by the pain. Being in pain drains me and makes my day terrible. I'm tired of it.

I don't plan on making this a habit. Tomorrow, I'll probably be okay with just suffering through as usual.

Departure

This will be short, since class will eventually get back on topic soon.

I had to call in to work yesterday because of being sick. I really didn't want to miss 5 hours of valuable work, but I really had no choice. I was hacking my lungs out and it really did a number on my back. I had to take hydrocodone last night...again. I'm lucky I didn't have to go anywhere.

At least I'm not sick today.

I posted a long article right before this, so I'll leave you with less reading for this one.

Scientists Find Link Between Pre-1970s Diagnostic X-rays for Scoliosis and Breast Cancer Mortality

From what I can tell, this is mainly for pre-1970, but it really makes you think:

Scientists Find Link Between Pre-1970s Diagnostic X-rays for Scoliosis and Breast Cancer Mortality

Researchers have found that women with scoliosis, or abnormal curvature of the spine, who were exposed to multiple diagnostic X-rays during childhood and adolescence may be at increased risk of dying of breast cancer. The study appears in the Aug. 15, 2000, issue of the journal Spine*. Authors included scientists from the National Cancer Institute (NCI) in Bethesda, Md.; the Twin Cities Spine Center in Minneapolis, Minn.; the University of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, Texas; Information Management Services in Silver Spring, Md.; and the U.S. Scoliosis Cohort Study Collaborators, a group of physicians from 14 orthopedic medical centers across the country.

The 5,466 women in the study, who received an average of 24.7 X-rays, were found to have a 70 percent higher risk of breast cancer than women in the general population. There were 77 breast cancer deaths among the patients, compared to 46 expected deaths based on U.S. mortality rates. Patients were younger than 20 years old when they were diagnosed with scoliosis between 1912 and 1965. The mean age for scoliosis diagnosis in this study was 10.6 years, and the average length of follow-up was 40.1 years. Follow-up was complete for 89 percent of patients.

"These findings provide yet another indication that radiation exposure, especially in childhood, is associated with increased breast cancer risk later in life, and that the amount of risk is proportional to radiation dose," said Michele M. Doody, M.S., from NCI's Radiation Epidemiology Branch and the principal investigator of the study. Reported risks for exposures after age 40 are much lower.

Scoliosis occurs in approximately 2 percent of girls and 0.5 percent of boys. It is commonly diagnosed in early adolescence and may gradually progress as rapid growth occurs. Scoliosis patients typically undergo routine X-rays of the spine throughout their adolescent growth spurt to monitor curvature progression so that corrective action may be taken.

The researchers found that the risk of dying from breast cancer increased significantly with the number of X-rays. The vast majority (89 percent) of exams in this study involved definite or probable radiation exposure to the breast. Patients who had 50 or more exams had nearly four times the risk of dying from breast cancer as women in the general population. The number of exams per patient ranged from zero to 618. Six hundred forty-four patients had no recorded exams.

Similarly, the risk of dying of breast cancer increased with increasing estimated cumulative radiation dose to the breast. Patients who received doses of greater than 20 centigray (cGy) had more than three times the chance of dying from breast cancer than women in the general population. The estimated cumulative dose of radiation ranged from zero to 170 cGy; the average was 10.8 cGy**

This is by far the largest group of scoliosis patients followed to date. The number of X-rays that each patient received was tabulated through detailed review of the medical records and films, and the breast doses were estimated using actual machine parameters derived from one medical center (University Hospital Rehabilitation Center, Hershey, Pa.). Information was available during most of the calendar time periods covered.

Part of the increased risk of dying from breast cancer may be due to other breast cancer risk factors, said Doody. Breast cancer risk in the general population tends to be higher for women who have not experienced a full-term pregnancy or whose first full-term pregnancy was at age 30 or older. Based on questionnaire responses by 3,100 women in the study who were alive at the end of the follow-up period, it appears that women with more severe scoliosis were less likely to have given birth than those with less severe disease. Since severity of scoliosis also correlates with number of X-rays and radiation dose to the breast, it is possible that some of the observed breast cancer excess could be related to reproductive history.

Almost all of the X-rays received in this study were taken before 1976, when the dose to patients was considerably higher than with current techniques. For example, the estimated breast dose from a full-spine anteroposterior view (facing the X-ray machine) in 1940 to 1959 was about six times higher than an anteroposterior view in 1976 to 1989 and 200 times higher than a posteroanterior (turned with back facing the X-ray machine) view in 1976 to 1989. Although radiation exposures to breast tissue are much lower today than during the time period covered by this study, they are not insignificant. The authors recommend that efforts to reduce exposures continue by having patients stand with their backs to the X-ray machine, carefully limiting the portion of the body exposed to the radiation beam, and shielding the breasts. Repeat exposures should also be minimized wherever possible.