Continuation

I'm on my second dose of hydrocodone today. Wonderful.

I still have 3 more hours to work. I think I'm going to go lay down on a couch until I start again. I just really want this day to be over.

Drawing the Line

I've realized lately that I've come to a decision I've had to make before. That decision is: How hard do I really push myself?

I've had a love/hate relationship with work pretty much throughout college. Mostly hate. But since I'm mostly supporting myself, I really need to work. All of the jobs I've had involve standing on my feet, which, of course, begins to affect my back. Most of this school year, I've been struggling to make it through over 4 hours of work without some sort of pain. This week, especially, has been tough.

So, how much should I really work? How much is too much? I'm pushing that limit right now, and I have a feeling that I'm about to find it again. I've been at my limits before.

So, as I go in for an 8 hour work day, I guess it's something I'll really have to keep in mind. I've picked up several extra shifts already, and I'm considering more. I know certain people will tell me not to push myself, but I hate being indebted to someone else. I want to be able to live somewhat normally, and I guess that's a big reason I'm having surgery.

Set in Stone

My surgery is May 23rd.

I will be in the hospital for about a week, then I will be going to stay with someone, probably my mom. After that, I should be coming back to CF. If anyone wants to visit, I will be eternally grateful to you.

Now that the ball is rolling, I feel a bit apprehensive. But you better believe that I'm glad about it. In what seems like a push for the decision, my back hurt today. A lot. Almost unbearably.

This went will change my life. Bring it on, I'm as ready as to can be.

Giving In

I gave in at about 12:30 today. I couldn't stand the pain any longer.

I just took some more hydrocodone about 10 minutes ago. I'm going out tonight, so we'll see what happens.

Willpower

I'm in pain again today.

It's mostly my upper-middle back, but my left leg hurts, too. I really hope I can get through this day without painkillers, but I honestly don't know. I don't have to work, so that may help, but it's getting really bad. Plus, I have to walk everywhere today.

It's now 9:30. Lets see how long my willpower lasts.

The Come Back

It's days like this that make me want to do something about this condition.

I was in a great deal of pain earlier. So much so that 2 hydrocodone didn't take care of it.I'm okay now, but it hurt very badly while I was at work.Not only my back, but all the way down my right leg and my left knee. All of my usual pains, but at once.

I'm high right now, and I don't like it. Better than debilitating pain, I suppose.

I'm very glad that something will be done about this.